Today we’re going to be talking about how to address repeated behaviors. Now, you can actually take all of your kids’ behaviors and divide them into two buckets. One is “things you wish they would start doing” and others are the “things you wish they would stop doing.” So let us see how we can get a Get Your Child to Listen and behave.
You can actually sit down, have a family meeting, and look at the stuff that you are wasting your day on. How many times do you have to say, “no.” and address the same problems? We are much, much better at finding things we wish they would stop. Don’t worry, it’s your wiring. It’s not bad parenting. OK?
Here’s what we need to do and Get Your Child to Listen:
Make a list. Things that you want them to stop, say ‘whining’, for me, I can’t take it. It’s always the top of the list and it has to be stopped. Things like whining can be counted. Now, I’m not talking about the endless counting where you get to 10, you go up, you go back.
Counting is actually a two-step process. They get a “one” that tells them, “This is a behavior I don’t want you to do anymore.” They get about five or ten seconds so they can think about a different choice, then they get to the “two.” Once you’re at “two,” this means, “we’re done if it happens again.” They get another few seconds, just long enough to process, and then they get the “three” and an immediate consequence.
The Stop Behavior
The key for “stop” behaviors are by the time you’re at “three,” something about their world has to change. That can be leaving a store, turning off the TV, but it’s a very clear system that you can make two choices and, after that, we’re just done.
The Start Behavior
“Start” Behaviors: This is the hard part. These are the things that we want to motivate but we tend to punish. So we want them to get in the car quickly, but what we do is start yelling or getting mad or saying, “We’re not going.”If you want them, then there needs to be an incentive that happens only once the seatbelt clicks. It can be simple things. May be a piece of gum. It can be a sticker.
Why Counting may not work for you
Let’s talk about why counting doesn’t work for you. A lot of us as parents are tired of hearing everyone else’s techniques, trying them, and then they don’t work. Whenever a behavioral technique doesn’t work for you, the first thing to do is actually check and see if you’re using it the way it was designed to Get Your Child to Listen.
I hear this a lot about time out or counting behaviors. A lot of the times they’re little things that we can tweak so that the technique will work. What I need you to do is actually count something you want to stop. As I said earlier the one that I always have to count is whining because it actually kills my brain cells. So once we start the whining I tell them, “That’s one. No whining.”Neutral face, right? Give them about five to ten seconds to make a different decision.
They get a “two,” so we know we mean business, but by the time we get to three, something in your life changes. This is the best part: either I’m going to walk away or you’re going to go someplace else but you aren’t going to continue to whine at me. Ok? So one and two, you can say something along the lines of, “Let’s try a different voice” or anything else, but if they don’t change their technique, then it’s done.
Even the perfect Techniques Fail at times
Ok, so you know that your counting technique is perfect. You’re neutral, you’re giving them two chances, and something about their world is changing.
But what happens if it still isn’t working?
Then sometimes we’ve actually got a kid that just isn’t wired for this kind of situation. Some kids actually start to feel more pressure as you count and then their behavior gets worse. So for kids like this, letting them know there’s a problem and actually starting with a brain break before any consequences or anything else happens.
There are other kids that get really emotional or feel like they’re not loved or any of those other pieces with counting. Some of these kids actually need a hug first before there’s a behavioral intervention. If you are trying counting and you know that it should work and it still isn’t, get help. Talk to your pediatrician and see if there’s other things about their behavior or their temperament that just make counting not a good option.
How do you find motivators?
Here’s the easiest thing to Get Your Child to Listen : The things that motivate your kid are the stuff they don’t want to stop doing.
Don’t worry, we’re all in this together. Once you’ve got your list, you also need to stay motivated, yourself. Be sure to build in some rewards and you will Get Your Child to Listen and behave in a jiffy.